Palantir's "Disciplined" Hiring: What Are They Really Hiding?

Palantir's "Disciplined" Hiring is Just Another Way of Saying "We're Cheap," Right?

Palantir, huh? Still kicking around, doing… whatever it is they do with all that data. So, CEO Alex Karp is bragging about "disciplined" hiring practices in his shareholder letter? Give me a break. That's corporate-speak for "we're not paying people what they're worth."

He says a lean headcount helps them "lean even more heavily on the strength of our software." Oh, I get it. The software is so good, it can replace, like, half the workforce. Or maybe… just maybe… they're squeezing every last drop of productivity out of the employees they do have, while pocketing the difference.

It's like saying your "disciplined" diet is really just you skipping meals to save money.

Layoffs Are So Hot Right Now

Karp's patting himself on the back at a time when everyone else is firing people. Microsoft, Amazon, Target... they're all doing the layoff tango. Amazon's CEO, Andy Jassy, is even claiming their layoffs are about "culture" and not cost-cutting. Riiiight. And I'm the Queen of England.

Look, I'm no economist, but it seems pretty obvious that when a bunch of companies all start "streamlining" at the same time, it's not some spontaneous cultural revolution. It's a sign of… well, something not great brewing in the economy.

And then there's the government shutdown screwing up the job data. Can't even get a clear picture of what's going on. Fantastic.

The "Ontology" and Other Fairy Tales

Karp also mentions something about "the Ontology." Seriously? It sounds like something straight out of a bad sci-fi novel. What even is that? Some kind of all-knowing, data-sucking AI that tells Palantir who to spy on next?

He says relying on more "bright minds" would have "obscured the platform's weaknesses." Translation: If we hired more people, they might actually find out what a load of BS this whole operation is.

And let’s be real, Palantir has always had a certain… mystique, shall we say. They thrive on secrecy and vaguely-worded explanations. Their whole business model is built on being opaque, so offcourse they aren't going to be transparent about their hiring practices. According to a recent article, Palantir is proud of its 'disciplined' hiring practices.

I mean, is anyone really buying this? Are we supposed to believe that Palantir is some kind of enlightened company that's figured out the secret to efficient hiring, while everyone else is just flailing around? Maybe I'm just too cynical, but it all smells like… well, you know.

Just Another Day in Corporate Fantasyland